Selecting an Officiant

Congratulations!  You’re getting married!  And you’re planning your wedding!  It’s time to select the wedding site, the gowns, the flowers, cakes and caterers…  well, you get the idea I’m sure.  Just as your wedding rings will encircle your fingers, and just as your abiding love encircles your hearts, so do the gowns, the flowers, cakes and caterer encircle the heart of your wedding day; your ceremony.

The selection of your ceremony and ceremony officiant should warrant as much thought as your bridal gown.  This is the person who is joining you to your beloved till death do you part.  His or her signature will validate your license and you will stand before them to recite the vows you will remember for the rest of your lives.

To help guide you in your quest for your perfect officiant, let’s look at what you know you want, what you have in mind, and what you think you might need.

The first step is simple, do you want male or female officiant.  Men tend to be more solemn in a ceremony situation, where women tend to add emphasis in key places of your script.  This leads us to the next consideration.  What tone would you like your wedding to reflect?  Traditional, much like mom and dads, or celebratory, a joyful script remarking on the rewards of marriage, deeply spiritual, civil, this list can go on.  If you aren’t sure; interview as many officiants over the phone as possible,  that way you are bound to find a personality that fits what you want to hear at your wedding, and you’ll narrow your field of options. 

Next consider the size and experience of your wedding party, is this your first wedding, how many in the bridal party have been in weddings?  Add to this immediate family, how many parents are involved, are you blending families.  Are children involved?  Are you dealing with step parents and extended families?  The answers to these questions will determine the level of officiant participation you need.  A good rule is if you want to include ceremonial seating of the generations, have more than one attendant each and there are children involved you should have a rehearsal and you’ll want that included with the officiant’s fee.  Finally the length and intricacy of your ceremony should be examined.  Will your officiant offer you guidance in developing your ceremony?  Will they offer pre-structured scripts, encourage you to find something fresh?  Or do they have a set ceremony for which you have no choice.

Now that you have determined what you need and want, you can interview with specific questions.  First and foremost should be “what do you charge and what is included in your price?”  Be careful of the officiant who charges a very low fee for a standard service and tacks on mileage, unity candle fees, rehearsal fees, writing fees, and or additional fees for each meeting.

Do they offer scripts or script writing guidance?  Will they write a ceremony for you based on your spiritual beliefs or civil desires?

Do you have a special needs wedding?  Such as  “I want to be given away by my father and step father, and grandfather.”  “My mother and step mother do not get along and I am worried about seating protocol?” “I want to do a family unity candle,”  “I really want my paraplegic cousin to read the poem.”  “We really don’t want to say vows” 

An ideal officiant will be your authority on the ceremony procedure, and will be able to guide the processional and recessional.  He or she will work with or for you on the delivery of your ceremony or service.  He or she will be able to guide you or provide you with sample scripts or write your ceremony for or with you.  He or she will be able to guide you and offer suggestions in dealing with step parents, siblings and children with whom you want included in the wedding service but are not sure how.  In addition he or she will be available to field whatever questions come up, no matter how large or small.  An ideal officiant will lead your rehearsal; guide you through the entire ceremony process, cueing all crucial movement, so that on the day you marry, all you have to do is celebrate.  Additionally an ideal officiant can manage crowd control and keep your ceremony running on time, or know when it’s important delay.  A full service coordinator if you will.

Many wedding guides who claim to be authorities suggest you keep a low budget for your officiant, but, ask yourself what is my wedding about after all?  Shouldn’t the ceremony, the heart of your wedding, be as perfect as the caterer, your cake, the flowers, and your gown?